Frustration and Sparks

Wow, I just realized how far behind I am on posting. So much for once a week…. A lot has happened over the past few weeks that I got side tracked. First, Hurricane Harvey. Second, helping my community. Third, life in general. Fourth, husband's birthday (yay)! Fifth, my own personal hell. Sixth, health issues (not mine). Seventh, went on a trip. Wow, I suddenly feel super busy now that I've listed some of the things out. Happily, hell is gone! Yay! Which is both a good and bad thing because it means some quiet, finally, but she always returns. Dun, dun, duuuunnnn!

Hell?

Let me clarify first. My personal hell takes the form of a now twenty-year-old girl. Not my child, not related to me, not family, just a poor child that we have helped over the past few years. Because of her, my life has been a roller coaster. As if my own issues weren't enough, she came in like a wrecking ball. It is hard to look at someone that has problems like hers and not want to help. Her life is difficult, challenging, unfair, and stressful, but if she embraced the opportunity, she could escape that horrible life. We offered that opportunity. It's been years since I met her, some days she would be good, others, incredibly frustrating. This past month, a whirlwind isn't sufficient enough description. It was exhausting. I could say more, but I feel like I shouldn't. Let's just say that it takes a lot to piss me off and she hit that point and beyond.

I think you're venting….

Sigh. I am and I apologize. Thanks for stopping me. I'm pretty sure I can go on for hours about the misery this child brings, but I won't subject you to that torture. However, on the bright side, she is a wealth on inspiration. In my Lost Gun series, one girl is inspired by her (though I will never give this child the satisfaction of know that). Of course, the character has a questionable history but she takes the opportunities handed to her to improve in life.

What else have you been up to since, you know, you abandoned us.

I did not abandon you! It has been busy and my internet isn't exactly the best.

Uh huh, right. Then why did you go on a trip?

Okay, it was only for a few days. My sister, let's call her K, had a horse show in Ohio and I was able to go! What? It's Ohio, my home away from home, of course I’m gonna go if I’m invited! The air is cleaner, the leaves were changing colors, the weather was wonderfully cool, I was in heaven. I missed Ohio. It was exactly what I needed to help clear my head. As for why I went, my sister did well. Her horses were amazing, as always. Not to brag, but I have a pretty kickass sister. If you saw K ride, you would understand. She has this funny talent of taking a horse and turning them into a champion. I still remember the little white pony when we were younger. K took that pony and made her a national champion. And that is only one of K's superpowers.

What else?

Well, my husband's birthday was near the end of September. I had a blast planning stuff for him! Failed for a couple surprises because somebody kept taking the initiative and jumping too far ahead. Not kidding! I had to ask K about using her apartment for grilling and on my way to lunch with her, she calls saying my husband was asking about the grill! Ug, any future surprise parties are going to be impossible.... But I managed to get his gift wrapped and hidden. He loved the shirts, computer tool kit, and other trinkets he got from me and the family.  It totally didn't help that at the end of the night, he hd been able to see friends that he had not been able to hang out with for years (and maybe one or two of them paid for a few shots).  He was a very happy guy!

Did you do anything worthwhile over the past few weeks?

Yes! I think. Beside what I've already mentioned, I have been brainstorming for the next book in Lost Gun. Hit a wall a few months back and haven’t been able to break through. Instead, I would work on other projects and try to gather inspiration from those, but alas, all has failed. It was depressing. Not even my favorite cup of tea helped. When problem child popped up, frustration built, tension grew, and I hit my head against the door frame, literally. It sucked, a lot. Then a tiny little spark flickered in the back of my head. Grasping on it, I have been vigilantly nurturing it, praying that it will grow into an idea that will allow me to charge through this story. The biggest problem is simple, I have a idea of how I want the story to end, a vague idea of how to get there, and an even vaguer idea of what needs to happen. I'm pretty sure I may be introducing more of a family which could throw a wrench into my plans or be the frame to something magnificent! I guess I'll figure that out when I hit the keyboard again.

Aren’t you technically hitting the keyboard now?

Oh hush. You know what I mean. I have a couple more things to do before I’m able to sit and write for a day.

Excuses. Excuses. Shame on you.

Ug, I know! Procrastination! It's evil! Other than that, the only other thing that's been preventing my creativity is hell. She's back and already on my nerves. Which is a good thing for my writing. I tend to stay up later when she's here and to kill time, I write. Which is exactly what I did last night. So, I'm kinda being productive. Guess I need to start blasting my "Writer's Block" playlist, huh?   Here's one of my favorite songs in that list: Machine by MisterWives