What a Whirlwind of a Season!

Oh, how time flies.  If it wasn't for this heat, I could have sworn it was still March!  Maybe it was because of all the yard work I did that I lost track of time?

Yeah, maybe.  It was an everyday thing there for a while.

Yeah, maybe.  At least the yard is looking good!  I even have a tan this year!  You have no idea how weird that is for me.  My skin is fair, like, turns red at the mention of sun fair.  So, I guess that my idea of a tan may not be your idea of one, but it is definitely a huge change for me!  I can wear tank tops this year without glowing!  But the moment the outside temperature hit 90deg (Fahrenheit in case you were wondering), I was done.  The heat and humidity here are deadly.  I wish I was kidding.  For as long as I lived here, there has always been two or three, at least, news reports of some high schooler dropping dead at football practice.  Keep hydrated!  And take breaks!  This is why I am convinced I am living in the wrong part of the country.  Give me cold and snow any day!

After the heat kicked me out of the yard, I noticed that my social life became active.  No idea how that happened since I love hiding under my rock.  Maybe because of the road trip my husband and I took?  Or because my step-sister found an after-hours event at the zoo?  Or that it was my and her birthdays in June?  Or was it the traveling?  I've been on two major trips this summer (that's two more than my usual average).  Road trips don't count since I go on a few of those a year.  I guess I should define a major trip as one that would include airfare.

I feel like you want to talk about what's been going on.

I kinda do, but I also kinda don't.

Give the Cliffnotes version instead.

You asked for it.  Insert bullets!

• Yard was a disaster, after many fights with thorns and a new fear of coyotes dens (i.e. holes that you drop a foot into while mowing blind), it has been reclaimed.
• I got a tan!
• Roadtrip! Went to Stephenville, Texas for Memorial Day weekend.  My husband rode a horse for the first time.  We went to Dinosaur Valley State Park, twice.  That whole trip was full of adventures!
• Major trip one was to Lexington, Kentucky so I could see part of my sister's horse show.  The Kentucky Horse Park is massive!  And the distillery tour at Buffalo Trace was fascinating (I saw where Blanton's was made!)
• Zoo nights was a blast and I had no white clothes for the white-themed party, oh well.  It was a wine-tasting event and I somehow managed to win tickets to the Macklemore and Kesha concert that Saturday.  My husband, my step-sister, and I met up first then played a game of hide-and-selfie-seek with my sister.  That was funny, but we later found out that one end of our game she may have had a little too much to drink.  Long story short, do not pregame before going to a wine-tasting event. 
• Macklemore and Kesha concert!  It was much more fun than I expected.
• Major trip two was to Chicago.  A friend of mine, whom I have known since seventh grade, is pregnant!  I went to visit and help her move into her and her husband's new apartment since he was out-of-town due to work.  No problem!  I'm weird because I love building things and cleaning.  And if something happened to my friend, she had someone with her to help. 
• Road trip from Chicago to Lexington.  I was in Ohio for five minutes!
• Another Zoo night, rodeo-themed.  I got a free bandana and somehow managed to win, again, concert tickets.  Sugarland this time!
• Sugarland concert was interesting, but not how you would think.  The two opening acts, Lindsey Ells and Frankie Ballard, were good, but were, unfortunately, playing to a crowd who was not their target audience.  Then there was a plug for supporting a disadvantaged kid in South America.  Then there was some political stuff and my husband's and my fun were killed.
• Might go to Lexington again!

I should not have said anything, but you were right.  You have been busy.

*shrug*

However, despite all of this, you would think that, as a writer, I would have been able to sit down and write, right?  There were a lot of opportunities for inspiration to strike.  Well, two days, two days of writing, if you could call it that, was all I did.  Opened an old story and edited, then added some chapters, and changed the point of view from character A to character B for the sake of perceptions.  Okay, it was not as bad as I had thought, but two days!  Ug, I remember when I would write for days and nights on end, not wanting to sleep because I had to get the story out.  I miss those days.

I am a writer, one who has had horrible writer's block for a while, and, while I believe this is something I will struggle with forever, I have seen tiny glimmers of inspiration in the tiny details of life that have sparked mini stories to form.

While, at first, these little sparks amount to nothing major, their combined influence is significant.  I have doubted myself for my lack of creativity and loss of words.  My pen has not been moving, my keyboard has not been clacking, and my writing life has come to a standstill, stagnating in the heat begging to be refreshed, begging for water.

It was last night that I realized that I still am a writer.  I still am creative.  It has just been muted, hidden, sleeping if you will.  I had been lying in the dark, waiting for sleep, when a sentence popped into my head: "Two beasts meet on the battlefield."  This may have been from me playing Jurassic World Alive thirty minutes before, which reminds me, I should check if there are dinosaurs nearby!

*grabs phone*

You're obsessed.

It doesn't help that it is like Pokemon GO.  It is very similar, and some people say better.  And, hello, dinosaurs!

Okay, you have a point.  Dinosaurs are cool.

But you're right, I'll focus.

The image of two shadows formed in my mind's eye.  Two beasts.  Why would they be on a battlefield?  What kind of battlefield?  Were they enemies?  What were they?  What kind of beasts?  I was stuck on this for the next half hour before my sleeping medication kicked in.  At least I was smart enough to write down my thoughts, the following sentences that formed.

I was proud this morning when I woke and remembered the sentences.  Perhaps the scene that began will be useful?  Maybe it will be used in a story in progress?  Maybe it will become its own?  Maybe it will be dead by the end of the week?  Who knows?  That's the unholy fun of my writer's block!

You're weird.

Weirdness aside, the past few months have had me thinking.  Why did I start this blog?  Was it simply a whirlwind fancy?  Something to add to my resume?  Was for me to work myself out of my writer's block?  Why?  I have come to the conclusion that this blog, while it is fun to research, needs to adjust the direction it has been going.  Why not become more of a diary instead?  Show how my everyday life influences my writing?  Such as my travels, who wouldn't notice something sitting in an airport?  One of my favorite games is watching people and creating lives for them.  I did that with an old neighbor of mine too.  We hardly spoke, and he gave a vague description of what he did, so when I would wonder about who he was, silly stories popped up.

And I shall leave you with a song.  I heard it during the first concert of my summer and it was catchy!  Willy Wonka has found its way into my playlist and I love listening to it whenever I need to focus.  Enjoy!

A Cause of my Infernal Writer's Block

"Writer's block doesn't exist... lack of imagination does." - Cyrese Covelli 

I have always had a strong aversion to large crowds especially when it comes to public speaking.  Not to mention that I am terrible when it comes to sitting still.  I find it incredibly difficult to sit there and listen to someone talk for more than five minutes.  If my focus doesn't shatter because of my wandering mind, I get bored.  I need to keep moving or fidget just to pay attention.  Back in middle school, I had a teacher use me as an example.  I still remember her words: "Look at Lindsey, you think she's not listening because she's staring out the window, but her grades reflect the opposite.  I know she tries and her grades show it.  For those of you who are staring blankly at me, I can tell you're not paying attention or simply do not care because your grades tell me so."  Embarrassment flooded my cheeks because I was the center of attention for a few short seconds, but I held onto that.  My Language Arts teacher did more for me that day than I realized at the time.  In her own way, she told me that it is okay to not make eye-contact with someone to learn and retain information.  It has become a part of how I learn, how I communicate.

Speech.  Text.  Television.  Advertisements.  Looks.  Emotions.  All communication.  Writing, I will dare to say, is among the dominant forms of communication.  Every day, how often do you see words and letters?  I bet that you cannot turn your head and not see some form of writing.  Go on, take a look.  I'll tell you what I see, a box of granola bars, my go-to snack food.  I see the brand, the flavor, the ingredients, and that's just on the front.  I turn my head and I see a television with a Maybelline advertisement playing.  Looking to my left, there's my bookcase with titles gracing spines hinting at the many words hidden between covers.  So, what about picking up a book?  It's the same thing, right?  An author is communicating a story through their own words.  Words that took hours upon hours upon days and weeks and months and years to be put together in a manner satisfactory enough for the author to hand off to their readers, you.  It is hard work.  Work that can flow easily onto paper, or become the writer's worst nightmare, writer's block.

Oh, the dreaded block!  How horrid are the terrors that emerge from its dark and vile shadow?  Dost thy cower to its evil or 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?  Uh oh... sorry about that.  I just quoted Hamlet by Shakespeare in a lame attempt to sound amazing.  At least I'll admit my fault.  Whenever I get writer's block, one of a few things happens, including randomly quoting books or movies.  Overcoming writer's block is definitely not my forte and I have written about it on here Writing about Writer's Block).
before (See

But that post was about how I confronted writer's block, never what caused it.  Sure it happens out of the blue and frustrates all it touches, but seriously, why?  Why do we have to deal with this?  Why do writers have this problem?  Is there a specific cause?  I have asked myself this many, many times.  Diving into the internet, I straight up googled "causes of writer's block" and I found a couple sites that were surprisingly helpful.

The first site is a blog maintained by the author, publisher, and co-founder of The Hot Sheet, Jane Friedman.  On October 22, 2015, she posted an article, 5 Reasons You're Experiencing Writer's Block, and in the article, other than being wonderfully, blunt and brutally honest, she lists good answers to my questions.  If I could copy and paste her article into mine, I would.  Go check it out, it really is a good read.  Yet, the first thing she opens with is this simple line: "We're going to go there, right now, even though it might lead to automatic resistance: Writer's block is a myth."  When I read that, I scoffed.  Yeah right, do tell.  And I continued reading.  Friedman goes on explaining how the term came about and about how adults in our world don't like to think.  She continues with writers are thinkers and are required to think hard in order to create "works full of meaning, purpose, and nobility."  I liked that.  Then came the list:

1. You've lost your way
2. Your passion has waned
3. Your expectations are too high
4. You are burned out
5. You're too distracted

Despite being a pantser (someone who lets their imagination go and write as their story as it comes forward, normally does not outline), I love lists, especially when they mean something.  The cause of writer's block is not that someone pulled inspiration out of my grasp, it was me.  I've changed since I started writing.  The days of doing nothing but spitting words onto paper, the days where I craved to open my laptop and simply write what came to mind have slipped through my fingers.  I know that I love writing.  I know that it allows me to disconnect and live in my own little world.  When I started, it was freeing.  It helped me improve myself and push aside my problems.  Then it disappeared.  I had three books published, one being written, dozens of others that I scribble in on those days I needed something new.  So what happened?  The words, the stories, the way I communicated was gone.  For the past year, everyone knew that I constantly and begrudgingly had hit a wall, but the way Friedman put it made me feel better.  All I was doing was thinking hard.  I lost my way.  My passion waned from forcing myself to open my laptop.  My expectations were set too high because I needed to get that book finished.  I burned myself out by forcing myself to write.  I became too distracted when I told myself I needed something else to inspire me and looked everywhere but my writing.  I was exhausted.

This past year, I have blamed writer's block for my lack of writing.  I blamed the stress wafting from others and buried myself in my self-pity.  Criticizing myself for my lack of productivity because I involved myself with too much, allowed myself to be swallowed by my emotions and drowned by a sea of self-loathing.  Yes, it has been difficult, but was it my environment to blame?  Has it really been that I have lost my passion?  Or that my expectations were set too high after I published a book, expecting myself to write another within the same timeframe?  I put to much pressure on myself and in the end, destroyed what I had wanted to create.  I was my own enemy.  I failed myself.  My techniques for getting out of this funk were foolproof until they weren't.  There is still that spark of passion but without fuel, it will only smolder.  After reading Friedman's article, I can only agree with her.

I have found that writing has become my favorite form of communication.  When I speak, I feel like I am unable to be completely coherent and end up relying on waving my hands in order to make sense.  My favorite phrase is "Words are hard!" because they are.  Writing is easier.  I am able to think about what I say and delete it if it does sound stupid.  Backspace, you are my saving grace!  However, writing stories, while it may seem like a hobby, has become my way of communicating my thoughts.  Not just a plotline, but hardships, challenges, and hopes.  A reader may bypass this as mere words on a page, but the hours spent behind those words are what makes me proud of them.  As long as my personal writer's block has held me, the more my written words hold value.  It took an effort to get them onto paper.  It took heart and soul and tears to convert them into something legible.  While I may have stumbled a lot lately, those words have never left me.  They have merely been hiding, waiting for me to rekindle my passion and light my path.

"Instead of feeling like a failed writer, be patient and kind toward your writing self until the situation changes.  The less you fret and put a negative spin on it, the more small pockets of time might open up.  And, since you have been wise in keeping your writing brain primed, you may find it easier to write than you imagined." - Jane Friedman

M.I.S.S. - "I Feel Love" by The Blue Man Group feat. Venus Hum

About this story:

"The history of the Blue Man Group originates with three friends fresh out of college who made a life-defining decision together.  Chris Wink, Phil Stanton, and Matt Goldman determined they would achieve lives of meaning and purpose, forging their own road, following their own path.

"When their creative impulses led them to develop a bald and blue character they called Blue Man (to evoke the word 'human'), more than a few people raised eyebrows.  Undeterred, the partners invested their time and resources into following this curious character into a small theatre in New York City.  What transpired was a ground-breaking performance that moved and inspired audiences.  This unprecedented theatrical success led to ongoing accolades, awards, and genre-jumping opportunities.

https://www.blueman.com/about-blue-man-group 

Who here is a Blue Man Group fan?  I am!  And I've loved them since high school.  I have been to a few of their concerts and it is quite an experience!  I highly recommend going.  Or at least listening to their music.  It's a bunch of fun!  If you choose to watch the video I have included, the song itself starts around three minutes in (the first part is the men having some fun).  As for the story, it is really short.  What?  It is a short story challenge.  The song, when you listen to it, is mostly music.  Sounds that create emotion.  Despite the words, I led with the emotion.  I wanted to embrace the feeling of love and trying something new.  Now, some people might take the whole "I feel love" theme of the song and make something sexual out of it.  I went a different route.  Who likes fruit?  I thought it would be funny to have the reader believe that the person experiencing this immense love be for something as silly as a little fruit.  Read and enjoy!

Title: Nectar

I have never experienced this sensation before.  It was so good!  What would a normal person call it?  Love perhaps?  Am I feeling love?  I'm not sure.  Could this emotion be that strong?  Letting that word fall freely between us.  Just me and this wonderful freefall into bliss.  All I did was have a little taste.  Let my tongue savor that sweet nectar.  But what should I do?  If the others find out, would they try to take it away?  Laugh at me?  Make fun of me?  Finish this before it began?  But, I think I've fallen in love.  That is the only answer to what I felt.  The feel of the soft skin against my fingers, the warmth I feel when I see that color, I didn't know that one bite would cause this.  All I can think about is the nectar from that fruit and how I wanted more.  Reaching out, I grabbed the spoon, scooping more peaches on to my plate.  "I guess you like them, huh?"  Stuffing a forkful into my mouth, I smiled at her.  Who knew trying something new would be love at first taste?

Lyrics:

Ooh, it's so good
It's so good, it's so good
It's so good, it's so good

Ooh, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love
I'm in love, I'm in love

Ooh, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love

I feel love
I feel love
I feel love

Ooh, fallin' free
Fallin' free, fallin' free
Fallin' free, fallin' free

Ooh, you and me
You and me, you and me
You and me, you and me

Ooh, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love

I feel love
I feel love
I feel love

Ooh, I'll get you
I'll get you, I'll get you
I'll get you, I'll get you
I'll get you

Ooh, what you do?
What you do? What you do?
What you do? What you do?

Ooh, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love
I feel love, I feel love

I feel love
I feel love
I feel love

Pictures, Music, and New Challenges

"I begin a book with imagery, more than I do with an idea or a character.  Some kind of poetic image."  - Rachel Kushner

I wonder.... if you take a black and white picture of a black cat, is it really a color photo?

Talk about random.

Just something I've been working on.  Okay, to be honest, my husband tagged me in one of those Facebook challenges.  This one is the "Seven days. Seven black and white photos of my life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone every day."  For day four, I considered a close-up picture of one of my cats, who is black, and considered using it for a challenge.  When I made it black and white, nothing changed.  I was tempted to submit the color photo to see who would notice.  Since I was rechallenged by the last person I challenged, maybe I should do the color photo just to see what would happen?

When it came to finding these pictures, it made me think, more like grumble, a lot.  The ideas I had from the beginning, the first challenge, were predictable; my cats, the dog, tea, my computer, possibly that tree over there.  See?  Pre-dict-a-ble.  And I have another challenge to do!  Either my life is boring or I'm terrible at this.  Too bad it wasn't a music challenge.  I would have blown that away!  I listen to music every day without fail.  My playlists rotate and I am currently listening to "Writer's Block Too" for obvious reasons.  This particular playlist was genius.  I mixed it up and went a little more alternative, rock, and a tad darker than normal.  What?  I need inspiration for my third Lost Gun book and last I checked, the series was not all daisies and fluffy unicorns.  So I tapped into music's darker side, with some fun stuff mixed in.  Cue the dance music!

Oh? So did this magical playlist spark any inspiration?

Actually, yes.  One song, Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez, struck a chord for a new character.  Once again it is the wrong story, but it was something new and I ran with it!  One stanza, in particular, stuck out: "I'm peeling the skin off my face, 'Cause I really hate being safe, The normals, they make me afraid, The crazies, they make me feel sane".  Now, the story I am working on is a simple vampires versus witches and vampire hunters.  Alright, a quick summary: there is this one witch that was killed by her vampire which sent shockwaves through the tiny witch community.  To make matters worse, the vampire became overpowered by the magic in the witch's blood and goes off to find more.  Bringing us to our main character and her issues with her newly discovered power and the love triangle between her vampire and another.  (If you know me, I cannot write a story without some sort of emotional turmoil.)  During a battle between the main characters and this power-hungry baddie vampire, I froze.  I didn't know how this was supposed to play out.  I toyed with the idea of another witch giving her power to the main girl and one of the vampires personally knowing the big bad but still, nothing felt right.  Hearing this song, this stanza multiple times, I began to see her.  A new character, a witch, the same witch who's blood triggered the madness, makes her appearance after being driven mad by how her vampire manipulated her.  Her mind was shattered, creating personalities to fit her trauma and odd habits, such as constantly chewing on her fingers and grumbling about hating how she had been used in the fight against vampires, to add to her insane demeanor.  A once perfectly sane witch that snapped and did the unthinkable, gave her blood to a vampire causing the unrest that sets my story in motion.  Yes, dark, but considering the story, a perfect catalyst for growth.  My main had become stagnant.  Her development halted by fear.  This little push could be enough for her to blossom into the protector I envisioned her to be.

Okay, I guess it worked then.  What about another song?  Any other brilliantly insane characters?

No need to be sarcastic.  I know the character I just mentioned needs a lot of work but remember, she's hardly on paper yet.  So chill.  But yes, another song is helping me, E.T. by Katy Perry.  Something about this song always gets my romance side working.  It's forbidden love, taboo, and great writing fuel.  Every time I hear E.T., my mind wanders as I sing along.  The story that comes to my mind is a simple girl meets boy, but what else would you envision?  Katy Perry basically gives you a play-by-play. 

Wow, so, lovey-dovey.  You're  a hopeless romantic, aren't you?

I very well might be!  But you can't say anything because it helps me write.  Right?

I can see that.  But how are you going to keep pushing yourself?  It seems that you've become stagnant as well.

Oh my God!  You're right!  What can I do?  *paces nervously*  There has to be something, anything.  But what?  Hold on....  There is something!

Oh no, I sense a bad idea coming.

Not a totally bad idea.  A while back, a writer friend of mine had stalled in her writing.  So I created a little challenge for her.  I called it the "Media Inspired Short Stories" challenge!  MISS for short.

*slow clap*  Absolutely brilliant.

Well, that's the name and I'm gonna stick with it!  The idea is that you take a song or a picture a write a little story to go with it.  Kinda like E.T. with me, but fleshed out.  It's brilliant I tell you!  Brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT!!  (Props to those who get the reference!) 

So that's what I'm going to do, expand this blog with short stories!  I'll listen to a song, any song, you can suggest stuff to me too, and in couple weeks, I'll post a story with the song and/or picture attached.  Try it with me too!  If you feel the inclination to write, do it!  Fuel the dormant imagination within and create!  Now I feel like I'm trying to sell inspiration insurance....  I'll do it.  Then you can tell me if you like my stories.  Critique my creations!

A Few Character Tidbits

"Your life is like a play with several acts.  Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger.  Some are villians, others are good guys.  But all of them are necessary; otherwise, they wouldn't be in the play.  Embrace them all, and move on to the next act."  - Wayne Dyer

*scribble, scribble, scribble*

Whatcha' doin'?  Writing I hope.

Uh, yeah.  Sure.  *looks down at pen scratches*  Well, kinda.  I have a few notes in my notebook and on my phone, but when I thought I had an idea, it floated away.  Plus, it doesn't help that while I've been productive with writing, it's been on the wrong book!

Harsh.  How many books do you plan on writing anyway?

As many as I can.  You know that I find writing relaxing so I'll keep going until I get tired of it.  Which can be tomorrow or never.

At least you're somewhat productive.  But I have a question.

Yes?

Can I ask you and one of your characters some things?  I'm kinda curious.

Uh, yeah.  What do you want to know?

Well, what about your first character?  You've mentioned her and I want to get to know her.

Kali?  Wow, it's been a while since I last spoke with her.  What I have shared about her is that, not only is she my first character, she is one of the main characters in the first story I ever wrote.  That story, Blood from Another, helped me through some difficult times, both personally and educationally.  If you read my work, you can probably tell how I was feeling as I was typing up a scene.  There are happy moments, but Blood from Another is mostly conflict; confrontations, demons, overall bad luck. I didn't make it easy for any of them.  People had been forced into their situations.  Greater powers influenced the world and twisted an individual's views on others.  I went big with this story.

I have a question for Kali.  Can you get her?

Hold on, let me find her.  Kali!  *wanders away*

Wait, did you really leave?  Get back here!

Fine.  Found her though!  Kali, say hi.

- Hello.  How long is this going to take?

Not very.  Go on, the stage is yours!

- *swallows*  Okay.

She's a little shy so go easy on her.

Alright.  So Kali, what are you?

-I am a vampire.  I was turned when I was twenty-six.  It was against my will, but in the end, I can't complain.  I found someone whom I love immensely and Dwyer can be quite the charmer when he tries.  And before you ask, he is a vampire too, an Ancient to be exact.  He is one of the originals but unlike his siblings, he has only turned three people, myself included.  My situation was one where he pitied me and wanted to give me a second chance, but his brother, Kieran, decided to take me away and turn me against Dwyer.  It worked for a couple decades, but I came around.  Kieran was an asshole, still is.

Do you wish that you had more time in the book?

-I am already all over this thing.  It is exhausting really.  The chapters where I am not the main focus are quite relieving.

Why is it exhausting?

-Well, Kieran is a control freak, Dwyer is over-protective, and I keep being dragged into the middle of their sibling rivalry.  Then after I was awakened, *sigh* there is a war between humans and vampires.  The Sunrise Corporation decided to take it upon themselves to combat the vampire threat. *grumbles*  They also decided to categorize vampires based on threat level.  I was nicknamed Reaper and categorized a Still Morte, silent death, until they realized I was a Grand, an awakened vampire.  Fitting if you knew how we fought.  It worked in my favor and I was good at my job.  Call it luck, but I found out that Damien, the ace Hunter of my enemy, was my blood.  *blushes while picking at fingers*  It's still weird for me to think that I used to enjoy bloodshed.

What's your favorite part of the story?  It's basically your life, right?

-You can say it is but it is difficult to tell you what my favorite part of my life has been.  However, if I had to narrow it down, it would be either falling in love with Dwyer, seeing Liam overcome his bloodlust, or Azrael.  *blush deepens*  Not that I can have a favorite, I mean, um, when you live as long as I have and you experience just as much, you would understand what I mean.  *hides face behind hands*  Oh, this is embarrassing.  I am so glad Dwyer is not here.  *looks over her shoulder*  Though I have a feeling Azrael might be.  *glares*  He does not understand boundaries very well.

You alright?

-*blinks* Huh?  Oh, yeah.  I'm fine.

If you want, Kali, you can go back to your life now.  I have a few more questions for Lindsey.

-Thank you.  It was a pleasure to speak with you. *innocent smile*

What do you think of Kali?

Seems interesting.  Maybe we could bring her out again later?

Maybe, but not today.  I think she has something stuff to do.

No problem because I have some questions for you.

Alright.  Shoot.

In your "Lost Gun"  series we meet Samuel.  How did you come up with him?  And why in the hell is he so cocky?

Haha!  To be honest, he just happened to be that way.  The more I wrote Samuel, the more distinct his personality became.  He was originally supposed to be comic relief, but him teasing everyone was too much fun.  Samuel is direct, blunt, lives for pleasure, and, in Bartender, mostly has a one track mind.  I couldn't write him any differently if I tried.  He's a cocky asshole and that's the way he should be.  Something about Samuel just screams arrogance which was something my main character, Ghost, needed.  Ghost is quiet so when he became friends with Samuel, he was pushed out of his comfort zone and developed more as a human being.  Samuel's cockiness comes from his teenage years.  I mention in one chapter of Bartender his past before he came to the White's household.  He thought he was invincible, women came to him, he was hot stuff, and no one could tell him otherwise.  Samuel liked his life until he had to flee.  Leaving his family behind was difficult and he ended up drowning himself in women and drinking during his hours off work.  Total player.  It was Kim White who helped bring him around.  While Samuel's ego didn't deflate, he found a purpose, a meaning behind his existence.  He would never admit it, but despite loving to hit the clubs, Samuel secretly enjoys lazing around at home in his underwear, sipping a beer, watching a movie.

 Seems like you dove into the deep end of the pool for him.  How are you able to focus on a character to create depth and a backstory?

Not totally sure.  I just enjoy thinking about my characters.  I throw them into "what-if" situations and watch them react.  As for their backgrounds, my mind has this uncanny knack to fill in holes.  If something does not make sense, I have to figure it out; which is how Bartender came about.  But when it comes to sitting down and writing, I always have music playing.  I have a few playlists that I rotate through.  Or songs that I put on repeat.  For example, Samuel, his song is Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time by Panic at the Disco.  If I'm struggling to write while staring at my screen, music is what usually gives me that extra little push.

Music connects you to a character?  Then which character are you most connected to?

Hmm.... good question.  I'll get back to you on that.

Not fair!  At least give me a name!

*shrug*  Sorry.  Got nothing off the top of my head.

Liar.

What are you gonna do about it?

*grumble*  Give you a different question....  Do you have a character that relates back to you?

To be honest, Mia from the Lost Gun series is the one that I can see standing beside me.  Not because she reminds me of me, but because, unlike most my other characters, I wrote her based off someone that I know personally.  The girl and Mia are pretty close with their histories, but Mia evolves and becomes someone better.  Someone that I hope her inspiration can become.  So I guess Mia is my wish for the girl.  I'll admit, it's been a long journey for the real girl, but I'm still unsure of how she'll become.